I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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