I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize