he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
