they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I party with great urgency now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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