Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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