When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
