All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So squirting runs in the family.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
