My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
well you can't waste a boner
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize