Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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