Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
