Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
