i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
