I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
