just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
