singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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