She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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