just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
