I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
