Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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