Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
