What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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