Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
