Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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