i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
