This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
