Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
