I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
