I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
