I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
