dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize