Please, let me fuck your mom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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