You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize