everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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