Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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