Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
