you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
