I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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