Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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