you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
