My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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