I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
