I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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