Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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