Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
