He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
