If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
being pregnant is like rehab
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize