he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
