It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
