When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
