just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
