I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
