Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
