I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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