Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize