i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
