We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
