Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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