it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
