I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
