this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
