Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You can't special order awesome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
