I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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