so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
