OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
