so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
