Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize