Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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