i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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