so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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