ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
