yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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