I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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