so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
