his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize