the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
