Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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