It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize