you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
