last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
