Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
