I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
