i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
