Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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