The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
