Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
