I got chris browned last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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