I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
