I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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