In the future we'll all be gay
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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