that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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