lets start a swedish sibling band together
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
