i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
