You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
