I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
