She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize