Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
